H-town Teaching

“I heard a certain seventh grader smoked weed in Spanish class last week.”

“WELL, I heard five students were pregnant!”

“I once had a student who was a prostitute…”

This was the conversation that dominated our faculty meeting today. Middle School is full of drama, way more drama than you might imagine. I opened my inbox today to find an e-mail from one of my students, begging for help. It seems that another student in our class followed her home, threatening that he would kill her today with a knife. I went into panic mode. I e-mailed every important person I could imagine, ran across the hall to my fellow cm’s room yelling “E threatened M and says he’s going to kill her today!” The counselor called an HISD psychologist, our police school officer (who I see more than I would like…I’m sickened by the idea of law enforcement haveing a role in a classroom, but at my school it’s needed….ugh) pulled out the student making threats…and I preteneded like nothing was wrong and taught all day.

Everything is OK now. I mean, I guess it’s as OK as it can be. The student making threats is one of my refugee students, from Borundi, and I believe that the things he say get lost in translation and he’s still making a huge cultural leap. From refugee camps where kids had to fight for a meal, to a cafeteria where free lunch is given to all…well, I can’t imagine what that must be like. I don’t believe he had any intention of harming the student, he just doesn’t know how to speak any other way. But the student he threatened has already been having problems and often writes me letters asking for help from her lonliness and the bullying she receives. It’s just too much sometimes. I don’t know what to do. We bought her a journal, and a special pen…she’s an amazing writer, and it’s a great escape.

My biggest concern in middle school was passing my classes so my mom wouldn’t pull me out of dance club. I went to detention once, the biggest scandal EVER, because of a misunderstanding with a teacher…NO WONDER our kids struggle in school, they have soooo much more going on.

Did you know that in a nest of termites, the eggs all hatch at the same time? It’s this crazy natural phenomenon. How do I know? Hundreds of termites hatched at the same time, in my friend’s classroom across the hall. In the middle of my lesson on the rock cycle, she came in yelling “BUG! BUGS! EVERYWHERE!!!!” I went to check it out and sure enough there were hundreds of termites crawling on the floor and covering the windows. And the kids, oh the kids. They were screaming and jumping everywhere for me to do something (these are my students too, I teach them math and science and she teaches them history and ELA). It was probably one of the funniest things I’ve seen in my teaching, and I can’t imagine many things will top this. Long story short, my friend and our kids were moved to another classroom until further notice and the room is being sprayed. This will continue making me laugh, that is until a termite nest hatches in my room…

Here’s a funny way to teach 2-step equations. My kids loved it today and it was pretty hilarious. See below:

3x + 4=16

Class, do you see that problem on the board? Well, I have a secret to tell you. I think that X is looking mighty fine today and I want to take him on a date tonight. But see, there’s this problem…he’s got this girlfriend named 3 that just won’t leave his side and his buddy four is never to far behind. I MUST get X all by himself so he falls in love with me and we go out tonight. So I’m going to have to confuse 3 and 4 by doing some inverse moves. It’s usually easier to get rid of the friend, rather than the girlfriend, so I’ll start with four. He’s up there adding, thinking he looks soooo cool but I’m going to use my inverse spidey senses and subtract him from 16.  Now 3x = 12…it worked!!!! Wait, there’s still the girlfriend 3 to worry about. She’s up there multiplying, and I’m going to confuse her by doing the inverse operation of dividing. 12 divided by 3 is four, and now I have myself a hot date tonight.

Ridiculous.

The TAKS test is in about 10 weeks. TAKS, or the Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills, is our state’s high stakes test (according to No Child Left Behind all states have them). The test haunts my dreams, and I swear its name is whispered by the air vents in my classroom. Everywhere I turn, TAKS.

Sometimes I forget that I have a sign on my wall stating my class’s big goal: that all students pass the TAKS. It’s not just that I forget about the poster, I forget about the goal itself. I get caught up in the day-to-day minutia of making photo copies and managing my mess, of telling M to sit down and S to raise his hand, of making I and N not make-out with boys in my class, and reminding everyone that homework is done at home and not in the hallway before the bell rings. But if I forget that goal then I’m failing myself and the kids.

It’s hitting me now why I joined TFA, and that’s so that my students, most of whom have never passed the math TAKS before, will all pass this year. Say what you want about standardized testing, my feelings are mixed for a variety of reasons, but at least we have something to work toward and I know the level at which I need to teach at. And now every morning, when I give a five question TAKS warm-up, and half the class is getting every question right, I feel good. Really good. But not as good as the students. Because they are, for the first time, confident that they will pass. And they’re excited!

“MISS! What will you do for me if I pass the TAKS? Will you make me cookies, or cake? Will you watch a scary movie with me (they know I don’t like them)??? WAIT, will you buy me an HD TV?”

I tell them, “if EVERY one of you passes, I will buy the ENTIRE class an HD TV! I will bake you cookies everyday until Summer. I will sing!!!”

Some quick victories:

They’re really getting invested. One student, E, has a favorite game: he approaches me every morning and says “MISS, so the thing is. about my homework. well. I did it. GOT YA! You thought I didn’t do it!!!!”

Many of my students are showing up for Saturday tutorials, and they’re staying after the bell to get help instead of going to the bathroom or getting water. They’re falling out of their seats in order to get my attention when I ask for volunteers.

They’re using the word inverse, and doing proportions in their head.

M…the bane of my existence…started multiplying today. He’s one of my refugee students, and he can’t read or write, but after 5 months I’ve finished teaching him to add and subtract it was time to move on. I am over the moon! He will have forgotten what we did by tomorrow, but that’s what happened at first with adding and subtracting and now he does that really well. I’ve changed my mindset toward him and I will make sure he’s dividing by the time I’m through with him. I want to choreograph an interpretive dance based on M multiplying, I’m that happy. I’ll spare you.

M.C., my pride and joy who’s been in the country just one year, is answering every single TAKS warm-up question correct without any help. She’s speaking and writing in English, and I’m totally blown away by her. On my worst days, the ones where I’m totally unmotivated, I remember that I need to teach for for her, because she’s a sponge and I owe it to her to provide as much information as possible. She’s a model to every student at my school, ELL or otherwise, and I’m just so proud of her.

Student Coucil is going better too! The kids don’t hate me anymore, and I’m realizing that them yelling at each other in class is not a sign of their disrespect for each other or me. They’re just used to having to yell to be heard, and they have good ideas.  Those same kids who make me want to tear my hair out are the first to sign up to help with fundraisers, and show up for CPR training at 8am on Saturdays. I’m getting it now. They were REALLY bad last week, and I ran to another teacher and joked “Why couldn’t I have been born a big black man like you????” He told me I just had to go to the kids and yell “BOY, I’m going to slap the black out of your face if you don’t sit down!” He made me practice it a few times, but I laughed too much and we decided that would not be the best way to manage behavior. The idea of me yelling that at a class is hilarious, not to mention lawsuit-worthy, but I also know if he did it the kids would stop messing around. Racial dynamics are so crazy, and I love breaking stereotypes for my kids. I still remember our first fundraiser, when one of my favorite girls, A, asked me to bring the white teachers over to our booth because white teachers made more money. I corrected her, of course, but that will always stand out in my mind. I wonder if students in wealthier neighborhoods think the same thing?

But I’ll stop with the victories because I have to focus on real business.  I’m re-committing myself to being strict with them. If they want to mess around they can do it in another class, I tell them, because they’re not going to make the class repeat the grade. And then they shut up. And I hear them whisper “oooooh, she’s serious!!!”.  I tell them I can’t take the TAKS for them, I can only give them the tools to do well, and learning those tools is up to them. I’m trying to teach them about personal responsibility, and some of them are getting it. I have to work harder with others, though. Well, I have 10 more weeks to do it.

This post is probably a big jumble, but it’s an effort to remind myself why I do the work I do and why. I hope my fellow corps members are stopping to remind themselves too, we must!

In the last few days I used my talents as a teacher to break up not one, but multiple fights in my classroom. I can understand why so many people are hesitant to go into a career in education–they fail to tell you on the job description you’re also a baby sitter and a police officer. It’s days like today, and the last few days (which also involved fights) which make me skeptical about pursuing a long-term career as a teacher. I worry for the safety of my students who don’t know how to play nice. I hate having to raise my voice. I hate myself for allowing a police officer ( a real one) into my class to escort misbehaving students out…that’s not what school is about, and yet….

I have several students, 5 to be exact, who come from various refugee camps in African countries. According to my administration many of these students had to fight to survive in the camps, and many suffer from PTSD. The smallest thing can set them off, and I have to thank my lucky stars when they react by just throwing around supplies (as opposed to desks). There are only so many times I can write them up and suspend them…they’ll never learn that way anyway. And I tell myself they just don’t know any better. But when they’re in class, and I have to spend at least 20 minutes of each period telling them to sit down, I feel angry with myself for not having the ability to control their behavior…especially for the sake of the other kids. And I feel like my students think of me as a babysitter instead of instructor, and maybe a part of them doesn’t respect me for it. I could scream!

But there are some good things happening in class, at least when I’m not policing. I’m strangely excited to prep students for TAKS. I’m warming up everyday with five TAKS questions in math, and have plans for reviewing hw in a more efficient way. I’m getting more realistic with my lesson plans (assigning 10 questions for independent practice instead of the 30 that no one finished). I’m terrified of using new technology in my classroom, but I just received a Smart Board and I’m determined to conquer my fears and learn.

OK, so I’ll focus on the good instead of the fights and the babying. I’m going to have to. AAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are there any corps members out there who are excited for school to begin this week? If so, I would like to meet you and ask you for some of that inspiration…I don’t want to go!!!! It’s almost cruel to get two weeks off, I got used to it. That, coupled with a severe case of jetlagg is going to make this a very fun week. But maybe it’s also a chance for a major do-over. Here are some of my goals:

1. Major goal–Get E invested in learning, and stop telling him he’s acting like a child every time he refuses to participate. That’s not working and I feel awful every time I do it. It’s the ultimate teacher no-no and we frown upon it in TFA. If you were almost 16, and couldn’t read, you’d also have trouble getting invested. So how do I make it happen?????

2. Another major goal–tracking…start doing it, consistently, so I don’t feel guilty at 2am because I haven’t done it yet.

3. Major major goal–Introduce more word problem practice into warm-ups and homework, so that the kids ace TAKS when it comes around this Spring. And do a better job of spiraling back and reviewing.

4. Pretty important goal–make sure I avoid creating situations that facilitate fighting between S, M and J.  I can’t handle breaking up 6th grade fights, even if they’re just playing. Too much drama! Also, make sure I stay out of all the girl fights…not my business, really not my business.
5. Huge Goal–have my students score way higher on TAKS than the other math and science teachers, and maybe the rest of the faculty will start taking me seriously. Mostly, they just talk down to me: ” Ms. _, you are SUCH a go-getter!!!” Which is code for “get that smile off your face, no one wants to be here.”  I’m sick of feeling bad for likeing my students and believing in them, when the rest of them are disillusioned and angry with the world for having to be a teacher. They don’t see the potential our students have, and there are rumblings that most of the math department is leaving after this year (and it’s everyone’s first year at my school). If there were more corps members at my school (currently, there are just two of us…my fellow cm keeps me sane, thank you), they’d stay for AT LEAST two years and they wouldn’t shy away from smiling in the halls or putting in extra hours, or make me feel bad for choosing to do so.

6. Last goal, and this is important–Make those extra hours spent at school more efficient, and have a life. Yes, this is a good goal.

I wonder if there are any other science teachers out there, who are teaching units on space, and who now have to come up with PC answers to questions about aliens, God and the end of the world.

Samples of things I heard today:

“MISS! My aunt told me she saw aliens last night, and that they caused those twin towers falling, and that seeing them last night means something crazy is going to happen this week!  Did you see them too? My aunt took pictures for you to look at!!!!!”

“Did God cause the Big Bang???  Do you believe in God????”

” I heard the earth is ending in 2012, is that true?”

“MISS, do you believe in aliens and heaven????”

I just sort of turn the questions back to my kids: “Well, what do YOU believe? That’s interesting…”

Awkward.

I was really able to reflect over Thanksgiving break, about how lucky I am to have this opportunity right now. I’ve been a full-fledged teacher for about three months now, and I can’t imagine a job harder than this one. I also can’t imagine what my life would be like if I hadn’t met my students. Perhaps I would feel more normal and relaxed, and maybe I wouldn’t feel like I’m 23 going on 50. But I already know I wouldn’t trade this experience: watching my little tweens and teens get so invested in learning, watching them FINALLY get into my math and science songs I make up and awkwardly sing, watching the devastation in their faces when they’ve sincerely tried but failed, and watching the excitement that comes from true mastery…there’s nothing quite like it. We still have so much work to do, test scores are awful, but we’re making progress and for that I’m so thankful. But please, don’t judge me for DESPERATELY not wanting to go back to school tomorrow after such a wonderful Thanksgiving break!!!!!

I wish I could spend several weeks telling the kids all I’d learned from my time interning with an environmental advocacy organization so that they could apply the things from science to the real world (and maybe impress them enough so they’d finish their homework…). Alas, I had half an hour to introduce and wrap up global warming. I squeezed in a plug for walking, as a former NYC resident I can probably list it on a resume, and a student yelled out: “Miss! Don’t you get embarrassed when you have to walk?”  I was stunned, to say the least. My kids associate walking with a lack of funds for other modes of transport. One eighth grader met my eye as if to say “I like walking too, Miss!” but she couldn’t bring herself to share that with the rest of the class. I spent a few minutes doing damage control on the whole walking issue, “it’s cool guys, I swear! AND good for the environment and your health!!!” but I doubt I changed anyone’s mindset. I really do understand where they’re coming from, but it makes me appreciate how far we have to go to reducing greenhouse gas emissions. Oh man.

In other news…..

Student council elections were a bust–turns out only two out of my 15 kids running were even allowed to run based on conduct and grades. Really, how hard is it to go an entire six weeks without getting in-school suspension? As soon as the administration notified me about my kids, and asked me to cancel the elections, I got this horrible feeling…MUTINY! I could picture the next meeting–my future leaders with their “public-speaking” voices and their strong opinions using their powers for evil.  The administration had the same image, and decided they couldn’t let me walk into student council class with the new information alone. I had not one, but TWO administrators come to explain to the students why elections were cancelled. We discussed “Public” versus “Private” victories–why it’s important to be a winner for yourself, even if no one is looking…you basically get good grades and respect your teachers. There was, as predicted, a lot of screaming on the kids part. The counselor had to take three students out. But, a few of them understood the circumstances and took responsibility for their actions. If enough of my student council maintains good grades and goes without any conduct violations this next six weeks, we can have elections in January. Think it will happen? I sincerely hope so, I’m teaching this class until June and I want happy students on my hands!

“MISS, who are you voting for?” has been the question plaguing me for the last few weeks. Maintaining the mystery of who I’m voting for (or really who I voted for, today is November 5th) , coupled with the fact that HISD forbids teachers from sharing their political beliefs (or face serious consequences) obviously prevented me from telling my students. Of course that didn’t stop the kids from making predictions, many of which were associated with race: “She’s not black, she voted for the gringo (McCain)!”, “She’s sort of not white, so she probably voted for Obama,” or “Nahhh, I like her she must have voted for Obama.” Things are so black and white to them, figuratively and literally.

Last night, Americans and the electoral college elected Barack Obama as our 44th president. Regardless of who I voted for (now I bet you want to know!), and regardless of who YOU voted for, we can all recognize the significance of this election. It didn’t truly hit me until this morning, when I stood in front of my class of students eagerly waiting to discuss the election. As I looked around the room I knew FOR CERTAIN that these students could no longer make excuses for themselves. Someone like them, and someone like me (I am white hispanic, first generation American, grew up abroad, funny name, etc.), could reach the highest office in our country. And as I stood in front of them, explaining that because of all this they had to work harder than ever before, because I knew and now they knew the heights we could reach, that nothing and no one could ever stop them again, I began to cry. Not casual tears, but uncontrollable sobs. The students were confused, they didn’t know how to react to me crying…so they clapped, and clapped and clapped. And they were wonderful the rest of the day, they were quiet when I asked them to, asked for help when they needed it, finished their classwork and helped each other when they finished early. Today was a defining moment for me; I won’t look at my students, future presidents of this country, the same again. Yes we can.