H-town Teaching

In the last few days I used my talents as a teacher to break up not one, but multiple fights in my classroom. I can understand why so many people are hesitant to go into a career in education–they fail to tell you on the job description you’re also a baby sitter and a police officer. It’s days like today, and the last few days (which also involved fights) which make me skeptical about pursuing a long-term career as a teacher. I worry for the safety of my students who don’t know how to play nice. I hate having to raise my voice. I hate myself for allowing a police officer ( a real one) into my class to escort misbehaving students out…that’s not what school is about, and yet….

I have several students, 5 to be exact, who come from various refugee camps in African countries. According to my administration many of these students had to fight to survive in the camps, and many suffer from PTSD. The smallest thing can set them off, and I have to thank my lucky stars when they react by just throwing around supplies (as opposed to desks). There are only so many times I can write them up and suspend them…they’ll never learn that way anyway. And I tell myself they just don’t know any better. But when they’re in class, and I have to spend at least 20 minutes of each period telling them to sit down, I feel angry with myself for not having the ability to control their behavior…especially for the sake of the other kids. And I feel like my students think of me as a babysitter instead of instructor, and maybe a part of them doesn’t respect me for it. I could scream!

But there are some good things happening in class, at least when I’m not policing. I’m strangely excited to prep students for TAKS. I’m warming up everyday with five TAKS questions in math, and have plans for reviewing hw in a more efficient way. I’m getting more realistic with my lesson plans (assigning 10 questions for independent practice instead of the 30 that no one finished). I’m terrified of using new technology in my classroom, but I just received a Smart Board and I’m determined to conquer my fears and learn.

OK, so I’ll focus on the good instead of the fights and the babying. I’m going to have to. AAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are there any corps members out there who are excited for school to begin this week? If so, I would like to meet you and ask you for some of that inspiration…I don’t want to go!!!! It’s almost cruel to get two weeks off, I got used to it. That, coupled with a severe case of jetlagg is going to make this a very fun week. But maybe it’s also a chance for a major do-over. Here are some of my goals:

1. Major goal–Get E invested in learning, and stop telling him he’s acting like a child every time he refuses to participate. That’s not working and I feel awful every time I do it. It’s the ultimate teacher no-no and we frown upon it in TFA. If you were almost 16, and couldn’t read, you’d also have trouble getting invested. So how do I make it happen?????

2. Another major goal–tracking…start doing it, consistently, so I don’t feel guilty at 2am because I haven’t done it yet.

3. Major major goal–Introduce more word problem practice into warm-ups and homework, so that the kids ace TAKS when it comes around this Spring. And do a better job of spiraling back and reviewing.

4. Pretty important goal–make sure I avoid creating situations that facilitate fighting between S, M and J.  I can’t handle breaking up 6th grade fights, even if they’re just playing. Too much drama! Also, make sure I stay out of all the girl fights…not my business, really not my business.
5. Huge Goal–have my students score way higher on TAKS than the other math and science teachers, and maybe the rest of the faculty will start taking me seriously. Mostly, they just talk down to me: ” Ms. _, you are SUCH a go-getter!!!” Which is code for “get that smile off your face, no one wants to be here.”  I’m sick of feeling bad for likeing my students and believing in them, when the rest of them are disillusioned and angry with the world for having to be a teacher. They don’t see the potential our students have, and there are rumblings that most of the math department is leaving after this year (and it’s everyone’s first year at my school). If there were more corps members at my school (currently, there are just two of us…my fellow cm keeps me sane, thank you), they’d stay for AT LEAST two years and they wouldn’t shy away from smiling in the halls or putting in extra hours, or make me feel bad for choosing to do so.

6. Last goal, and this is important–Make those extra hours spent at school more efficient, and have a life. Yes, this is a good goal.