H-town Teaching

It’s half-way through week three of institute, and halfway through the entire experience. It’s also far enough into my summer school teaching experience that I’m starting to worry about the lack of progress my students are making. There are days that I think I really make a connection with my students, and then there are days I leave my school wondering if I’ve gotten through to them at all. Do they understand that I won’t allow them to pass my class if they continue scoring low on daily quizzes, because their grades won’t allow it? Do they understand that when they waste classtime by talking with friends, and mostly talking over me, that they are hindering the ability of the rest of their classmates to achieve? I know my students care deeply for eachother, and if I was truly investing them in what it meant to be a good student in my class, and really respect themselves and eachother, they wouldn’t behave this way. This is on me, and that’s a hard feeling to swallow.
Although my students test me on a daily basis, I want to point out that everyday I grow a little bit fonder of them. You’d think that their classroom antics (Farting….so much farting, toilet paper flying across the room, the YELLING) would send me running, as it has unfortunately sent some other 08s, but the days that are hardest are the ones that make me so excited to return–I know it means I can do better, and everyday is an opportunity to try something new, something that will hopefully result in the students connecting with the material and the idea that only hard work will result in moving to the 9th grade. I’ve observed my students in other classes and I’ve seen how well-behaved and engaged they can be. This gives me hope that its something I have control over…that I’m not powerless to stop the “Achievement Gap.” It’s also overwhelming because I know I have to put in so much more effort to get there…and I wonder on days like this where that strength will even come from. I’m sure my fellow 08s are wondering the same thing as they roam around the U of H campus and their placement schools looking like zombies because they slept only 3 hours. The few hours of sleep I manage per night are completely devoted to my kids as well–they follow me in my dreams!

On that note, I should attempt to get some sleep before tomorrow…I have so much to do in my last two weeks!

Some of my students can’t read well. One of my best students claims he read two books this last year–in the eighth grade I think I was flying through two books a week. Meeting with my faculty advisor today, a veteran teacher at my summer placement school who had most of my students this past school year, tells me that I need more movies, powerpoints that look like video games, and construction paper to make my class fun for the kids. She says I’ll just bore them if we read together. I then asked her if she realized that most of her students were reading below a a 6th grade level. She answered: “REALLY???? I had no idea!”
My students’ past teachers have addressed their illiteracy by avoiding reading altogether. Their future teachers might do the same thing. It’s hard to express how powerless I feel knowing that if I don’t teach them basic literacy skills this summer, no one will. I feel powerless as an educator who is still not quite sure how to teach this skill. I can’t stress how smart my kids are, and the joy that I feel when I see my students take pride in their knowledge. I also can’t stress how awful it feels when my students accept the fact that they can’t read, and should not play a role in the learning experience as a result–and their classmates reinforce this, encouraging me to ignore those students who’s reading skills are behind everyone else: “Don’t call on him Miss! He can’t read, just leave him alone!”

My students made an important discovery today. After hearing me speak in Spanish earlier they realized that I come from a Spanish-speaking house, and that I identify as a Latina. One of my favorite students in the class, a very bright Hispanic girl, shouted out “BUT MISS! You don’t look…” I answered, “I don’t look what? Like you? My parents come from South America, y en mi casa se habla espanol.” If all I had to do to gain my students’ respect was to speak in Spanish, I would have done it on day one! I think they feel they can relate to me now, that I might possibly be one of them. I also realize the implications of all of this–that my students feel that my “whiteness” (I identify as a Caucasian Latina), and perhaps the “whiteness” of some of my fellow TFAers, makes me unable to relate to them and effectively teach them. In general, I find the race relations at my school extremely interesting to watch: hispanic students and black students sit on seperate sides of the room, but they peacefully co-exist. I’ve tried matching them up in groups, but without saying why the students let me know that those groups make them uncomfortable. It’s so interesting to watch, but I also wonder what role I play in all of this as a teacher at my school. I think this will be an interesting concept for me to explore over the next few years…

Yesterday, I felt like I’d hit rock bottom–my classroom management was inconsistent, my methods of instruction bored the students (and in retrospect I understand why a 30 block chart for students to fill in while I lectured would), and I lacked confidence. It’s not even my ego that was hurt. By not excelling in the classroom I know I’m only doing my students a disservice as their educator who’s not setting them up for success, even if they are partly to blame for yesterday’s horrible class (it takes both student and teacher actions to influence a classroom!!!!).

But the wonderful thing about hitting that low point, as awful as it feels, is knowing that you can only improve and fare better the next day. I completely re-did my lessons for today, making sure to address my classroom management issues and find ways to engage the students, and it paid off. I don’t think I’ve ever had a bigger rush then I did while teaching my students today. After conducting a guided lecture I had students get in groups to write letters to a fiction totalitarian principal from a neighboring school who was ordering my kids around. They worked in groups to both tell the principal their grievances, and to incorporate the ideas of representative government as supporting information into their argument. I allowed students to work in teams (which they chose on their own…I was scared!) and I watched as they took my assignment seriously and worked so hard to give that principal a piece of their mind. I was definitely worried about the content of these letters, if they would stay on-task or things inappropriate for my classroom, but I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt and allow them to present their letters to the class. My students, the same ones who a day before had yelled at me, refused to work, and slept through class, delivered well-crafted letters that incorporated everything we’d learned. Some of them were hilarious…I’ve never head the phrase “retarded lobster-sponge” ever used to berate a person, let alone a principal, but it was great. Even better was when we voted as a class on the best letter–the winning group was over the moon! To see the class coming together to support eachother, and to see how proud my students were of the work they accomplished…well I guess I’ve just had my first “Why I Teach For America” moment, and after yesterday I really REALLY needed it.

Before I go, I want to brag a little more about my kids.
They’re smart. Some of them could teach this content better than me. In the last few days of teaching them I’m understanding more and more about the achievement gap though, and the factors that have been holding them back. My students are reading far below their grade level, and when you can’t read and understand key terms it’s hard to pass state tests. I didn’t realize how much I would have to learn about literacy, and teaching my students to be literate people, but I realize that even if they can tell me timelines back and forth, tell me the key issues of some of our nations’ eras, and articulate how they feel about Obama and McCain, they will never pass a state test if they can’t read it. Now I just need to learn how to incorporate literacy into history lessons, and figure out how to get 8th graders reading at 3rd grade level to make gigantic leaps…and soon!

I’ll be absolutely honest–today, day two of teaching, was AWFUL. I went into second period today with a false sense of confidence because of yesterday’s wonderful flow. Today, my kids took control of the class early on and it was almost impossible to get it back. None of the activities I had spent days crafting interested them. Students refused to do work, some slept, others yelled over me…its was insane. They told me they liked their old teacher better! BUT, I am confident that tomorrow will be better. It’s going to be trial and error for a while, and I’m just going to have to suck it up until things start working. I just hope I’ll make it out alive!

Today I’m officially a teacher, and despite my nerves I think it went well! I taught my first class today and I was surprised by how natural it felt to be standing in the front of the room going over my summer goals and classroom expectations. My kids are definitely characters, and there were definitely some hilarious moments:

First of all, my kids think I’m 306 or 36…they’re not sure.
I also tried to get serious with my students:

Me-”So why should you be invested in my class? Do you know that most states in America base their prison construction plans on the literacy rate of 3rd graders? That means some politician in Austin, who’s never met you, is looking at your test scores and deciding if he should build more jail space. Work hard in my class, work hard in high school, you won’t need to be part of this vicious cycle of illiteracy and crime in our country. You can be whatever you want.”

Student, after hearing prison/literacy fact: FOR REALZ?

Me-For Realz!

The class erupts in laughter…I guess they couldn’t take me and my serious fact so seriously after that.
My kids also drew me crazy pictures today to show me the difference between a good and bad student. I intended it to be a more hypothetical exercise, one which incorporated our classroom rules and expectations, but instead some students just started labeling the “bad” and “good” students with their classmates names. While it was definitely not my intent to have students single out their “bad” classmates, and I will definitely not post these pictures up on our classroom wall as promised, I guess I have an idea of who to keep an eye on. There were pictures showing students who’d crossed out my class rules and written “Suck it!” but given that they drew them as part of the “bad” student picture, I’m hoping they won’t do that for real!
After returning from school today, my future roommates and I escaped from Moody Towers to do some house hunting and we fell in love. Our real estate agent found us the house of our dreams: in the heart of Montrose, sunlight, amazing backyard, 3 old fire places, wood floors, and walking distance from my favorite coffee shops and restaurants. It’s the perfect place for potluck dinners and iced tea on the porch. We’re signing a lease this week! No matter how bad the rest of this week goes (I’m hoping for the best), this house will give me something to look forward to.

I have never had a longer week in my life. It’s Friday, finally, and all I can think about is the lesson planning I’ll have to do this weekend. I don’t think my lesson plans are anywhere close to where they need to be, and in just three days I have to deliver them to 21 8th graders.

Besides the ridiculously long days, there have been more highlights besides the Moody Bouches. Today, after perfecting and demonstrating out “Teacher Stare,” the one we will reserve for troublemakers, we had a “Teacher Stare-Off.” It was ridiculous. I also got to do my first real teacher things: create lesson plans, administer a the San Diego Quick to 4 8th graders ( a test to determine reading grade level), and I made my very own class rules poster. It was pretty cool getting to introduce myself as Ms. _ to these students, but crushing at the same time as I realized that each of my students was reading around 4 grade levels behind where they should be. My soon-to-be 9th graders are reading at a 4th grade level. I have a lot of work to do.

It’s only been two days since the official start of the Houston Institute and it feels as though I’ve been living at the infamous Moody Towers and learning about Teaching As Leadership, or TAL for short, for months. There is so much energy here–we have corps members from Houston, St. Louis, Denver, Rio Grande Valley, Mississippi Delta and Hawaii, but it is definitely mixed in with a great deal of anxiety and exhaustion. Our days start at around 5:30 AM, and so far we’ve had sessions or events going long into the night (well, when you’re up at 5:30 and working past 8 anything seems long). Wendy Kopp spoke at our Welcoming Ceremony last night, which was definitely a treat. It’s so encouraging to meet so many amazing people from all over the country who are here in Houston, arguably one of the most uncomfortable cities to spend the summer months (if the humidity doesn’t get you, the heat will), coming here for the same reason: good Tex-Mex…just kidding!
Believe it or not, in just a few days I will be leading my very own class of 8th grade students. I’ve been assigned to teach social studies this summer to students who have, for the most part, failed the course throughout the year, and prepare them to pass their courses and be ready for high school. I can’t believe I’m already responsible for this…it’s overwhelming and I’m increasingly more and more worried that I will fail my students. In fact, I have already been reassured that yes, I will fail my students…everyone does…at least the first week…but then you learn from your mistakes and it is then expected that we will all meet 100% of our goals. I’m encouraged by the fact that this assertion is based on 18 years of corps members summer school teaching experiences, but so nervous about what next week will bring.
Houston Institute Highlight:
-Moody Bouches: our dorm room’s bed/couch that feels like springs covered in plastic. It’s a good thing I’m so tired when I go to sleep at night…otherwise this would be awful. For now it’s just hilarious.
Even though our days are long, and my two days here have felt like months, I’m really enjoying myself! Let’s see how long this feeling lasts…hopefully five weeks?